why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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