you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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