I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize