I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
