I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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