ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
