Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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