i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
