And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
