the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
