Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
