Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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