why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
