i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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