I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i am craving dick and cupcakes
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
