Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
