no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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