Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
