I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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