Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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