we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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