Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
