Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
nutella sex= disaster
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
