i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize