Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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