I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It's just like the Real World with babies
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize