we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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