I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
