Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
