We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize