Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
