adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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