What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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