That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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