Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
