he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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