it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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