dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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