Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
