Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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