sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
