Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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