Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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