Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
