you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
