those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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