I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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