omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
