3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
