we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
