Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
