Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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