im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
