i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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