His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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