After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
