I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
