the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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