i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize