Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
