the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
