DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
