i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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