i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
