i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
