DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
