I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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