Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
