I got chris browned last night
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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