should my penis look like a turkey
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
