Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
