The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
