pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
