My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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