Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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