Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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