I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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