I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
