Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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